The Bamboo Boner Bookmark
THE DICKMARK
As the kids say: "Shoot your shot, mark the spot"
Ever since Mister Dick has had to work from home (due to some sexual harassment issues in the office. To be clear, he was being harassed, not doing the harassing.) he's enrolled in the BOOK IT program and has been reading his gosh dang balls off. Yeah, sure, it may only be books written by Dr. Suess or from R.L. Stein's Goosebumps collection but how many books have YOU read this summer?? And yeah, he might be juicing the stats to get a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Slut every other day but WHAT THE FUCK IS IT TO YOU?! No, Mister Dick is not writing this!!! He's just a really, really fucking cool guy that I like who's grossly misunderstood by many, OKAY, BECKY??
A N Y H O O . . . Back to the beautiful bamboo boner bookmark!! This Beautiful Bamboo Boner Bookmark is so Badass it's Basically Bonkers, Believe ME!
The Bamboo Boner Bookmark is a quirky and humorous accessory that adds a touch of fun to your reading experience (NO THIS IS NOT THE AI WRITING FROM HERE!). This bookmark is creatively shaped (LIKE A DICK) to bring a smile (and much more) to your face and make your reading sessions even more enjoyable (because it's shaped like and dick and has silky tassel jizz spooging out of the tip). It is made from eco-friendly 1/16" bamboo plywood and features a delicate white silky tassel (PSSSST... It's jizz) at the tip, adding a touch of elegance (and much more).
Features:
- A humorous and creative shape that stands out in your books.
- Made from sustainable and durable 1/16" bamboo plywood.
- A soft and silky white tassel (AKA JIZZ) at the tip to cumplement the design.
- Lightweight and easy to use, ensuring it won't damage the pages of your bookhole.
- Ideal for gifting to book lovers, friends, and family. Also, people who don't fucking suck.... BECKY!!!
Instructions for Use:
- Ever so gently slide or glide The Bamboo Boner Bookmark between the pages of your book slit, positioning it at your desired location (there's at least 3?).
- Allow the humorous shape to peek out from the book, bringing a smile to your face (and much more... (JIZZ!)) and others around you (eww gross).
- When you're ready to continue reading, the silky tassel (Ahem... it's jizz) makes it easy to find your page quickly and effortlessly (Unlike Becky's clit, APPARENTLY).
TLDR: It's a fucking bookmark that looks like a dick and instead of real jizz cumming out of the tip, it's a silky tassel that's nice to touch and won't make the pages of your book stick together (unlike real human jizz) and the package is cool cuz it looks like an emoji hand is jerking the dick off onto a really nice book that Mister Dick totally read.
TLDR, TLDR: Fuck you, Becky!!
Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions:
- Are the dicks sent anonymously?
They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label. Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information.
- Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried…
Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information.
- How is this giant dick shipped?
We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service.
Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care'
- How much is shipping?
All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.
- How long does it take to get there?
Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.
- Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick?
Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell.
- How thick is the dick?
Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace.
- What color are the dicks?
Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other.
- Why are you guys even doing this?!?!?
Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.)
- Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parent’s basement?
Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?