Dicks for Sale


What am I even buying here??

Short answer: The most pleasurable piece of cardboard you’ll ever experience!

Long answer: A 29″ long and 17″ wide Dick laser cut from a piece of cardboard. We’ll then mail it to any recipient of your choice.

How is this giant dick shipped?

We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service ‘First Class’ mail.

How long does it take to get there?

We generally ship all dicks within 2 days of an order. They are shipped ‘First Class’ mail and take 3-5 days to arrive. Faster shipping is available via ‘Priority Mail’. You can select ‘Priority Mail’ in the check out process and it will arrive in 2-3 days but is ~$6 more.

What if I need the dick shipped fast?

First email us and let us know you need a quick dick turnaround. Then select ’Priority Mail’ in the check out process so it will arrive in 2-3 days.

Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick?

Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. They’ll only know if you tell them. So, send it to your boss, lover, friend, enemy, mother, sibling or even to us.

How much is shipping?

Freeeeeeeee! Always free ‘Frist Class’ shipping in ‘merica! (formally known as the USA) Priority shipping and International dick shipping rates will be applied on checkout.

Can I ship a dick to Hawaii or Alaska?

Sure can!! Same price; FREE!

Can I ship a dick internationally?

Do your balls get small when swimming in a clear glacier lake? Did steroids shrink Lance Armstrong’s dick? YES! International dick shipping rates will be applied on checkout, as they change for every country.

How thick is the dick?

Dicks are made of 1/4″ cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they make up for in pleasure.

What color are the dicks?

White on one side, and brown on the other.

Can I get a multiple dick discount?

You sure can!! We call it DVDA around here, but some like to call it “buy 3 dicks, get the 4th free!.” Email us and we’ll get you a coupon code.

What if I want to order more than 4 dicks, can I get a better deal?

What you need is a Bag of Dicks! When DVDA won’t cut it, we’ll hook you up with the ‘Bag-o-Dicks special’! Often called a bulk order in layman’s terms, the ‘Bag-o-Dicks special’ is an order of 10 or more dicks. Contact us for more info and pricing. We’d be happy to send a dick to everyone in your office or family.

How long of a custom message can I add to the dick?

30 characters max. We can maybe make it longer if you email us a good dick joke or funny picture.

What font is the custom message?

In the one and only classy Comic Sans.

I want a different font for my custom message, is that possible?

Maybe, but your chances are better if you email us a good dick joke or a topless picture of yourself.

Where is the custom message placed on the dick?

In the center of the white side of the dick, just like in the picture.

Is there only one dick to choose from?

For now, yes. We will have more fun shapes to choose from soon!! Email us your dick design and maybe it will make it to the site!

Can I submit a new dick shape to you?

You sure can!!! If we like it, we’ll use it and credit you with a dick well done! (and maybe include some $$$ too…or ship some dicks to all your friends telling them how good of a dick drawer you are).

Is it possible to buy a smaller dick to ship?

WHAT?!?!?!? Why the hell would you want a smaller dick???!!??!?!?!? But email us if you prefer a smaller size…we’ll probably just make fun of you…but maybe we’ll make it.

Why are you guys even doing this?!?!?

Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.)

Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of our parents’ basement?

Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?

Contact Us

Want to learn more about Ship A Dick or have some dick related questions? We're no rocket surgeons, but we may have the answer.


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Legal Stuff Our Dick Lawyer Made Us Put Here

Ship a Dick’s products are a joke, to be sent in good fun. By purchasing our products, you represent that you are not using them to threaten, harass, defame, bully, or intimidate the recipient, or for any improper, unlawful or objectionable purpose. Don’t be a dick. Senders and recipients must be at least 18 years old.

We reserve the right to reject any order for any reason, including suspicion of using our products for an improper or unlawful purpose. All custom messages are subject to rejection for the same reasons or because they are in poor taste, offensive or just plain stupid as determined in our sole, and sometimes random and capricious discretion.

You agree to indemnify Ship A Dick and all people associated with us that may incur any liability or debt as a result of your purchase. Ship a Dick’s liability to you is limited solely to the lesser of the price of any product purchased or $100.

Finally, by purchasing anything, you are releasing Ship a Dick and all people associated with us from any liability that may accrue as a result of the transaction.

Any disputes between us and you will be resolved in the state or federal courts in Multnomah County, Oregon, under Oregon law.